Burners — 8/21/2011

Posted by The Administrator on August 22, 2011 · 1 Comment 

By Joe P Hasler —

We have failed you fair readers. Blinded by the glare of the summer transfer hot stove, we neglected to alert you to a spectacular two-man showdown, in an unglamorous game perfect for its total lack of any sensational off-field subplots. (That is if you’re neutral observer, or person who’s spent the last month refreshing his Samir Nasri newsfeed every 25 minutes.) In the scandal and speculation free environment of Villa Park in Birmingham, Charles N’Zogbia and Junior Hoilett, two of the English Premier League’s finest dribblers, dueled Saturday—and we neglected to give you the heads up. For that, we apologize.

There’s league-approved video over at msn.foxsports.com, but you have to click around to track it down. It’s worth doing, but the 2:13 video won’t tell you the best part of the story. Neither will the postgame reports. You won’t read about how Hoilett, a 21-year old winger from Brampton, Ontario, ran straight at poor Luke Young twice in the first two minutes of the game. And how he stutterstepped and and juked Young so hard the 32-year old Englishman literally broke down after the Canadian set up Rovers’ only goal. It was noted that Villa pounded West Ham in last season’s home curtain-raiser—which ostensibly is relevant because Rovers appear to be as terrible as West Ham did a year ago. If that’s to be the case, then Junior Hoilett is the frontrunner for the Scotty Parker Prize, or The Best Player on the Worst Team.

Strictly speaking, N’Zogbia vs. Hoilett was not a true one-on-one matchup. As mentioned, Hoilett had most of his fun at the expense of Villa’s right back. Le Zog moved from right to left as the game progressed, and eventually found himself matched directly with Michel Salgado, a man who can only be described as “once proud”. A few months shy of 36, Salgado clearly makes an appetizing meal for any speedy dribbler—Hoilett must humiliate him in practice—as Gabby Agbonlahor showed in the first half. He scored Villa’s first and set up Emile Heskey’s second, and really made the old Spaniard look washed up on both occasions.

Because he didn’t stamp his name on the statline, though, Le Zog will hardly get a mention for his performance. Apparently some question whether he’s fit to fill the vacancies created when Ashley Young and Stewart Downing relocated to Manchester United and Liverpool, respectively. Having failed to score or create a goal Saturday, the skepticism remains. You won’t find any such reservations here. The second tier of the Premier League isn’t overflowing with individuals who appear capable of crafting something from nothing every time their toes touch the ball. Fifteen minutes from the end of Saturday’s game, N’Zogbia showed us he was one such individual. Faced with a pair of Rovers between him and open grass, he tip-toed between them (okay, one of them was Salgado), accelerated past another, and played a cross no Villain could anticipate.

So he has nothing to show for it. Not even a highlight on YouTube. Believe me, I looked. So what? He’ll be back. We watched what he did last season at Wigan. We know. Do you?

Filed under Northern Report · Tagged with Gabby Agbonlahor, Junior Hoilett, Le Zog